Dear Friends,
I hope this note finds you well.
I find myself in a time of testing; one that is, I am sure, meant to strengthen my resolve and my faith. The last time I wrote, I mentioned a back injury that I sustained in 2008 had flared up again. I am now on my third week dealing with this, and the last several days have literally been spent flat on my back for 22 hours per day. I was seeing real improvement last week, but something happened on Saturday and it returned to full blown pain and stiffness by Monday morning.
I find myself clinging to Yeshua's Tzit-Tzit (the "hem of his garment," as is written in most English Bibles). My natural self wants to get frustrated, as this is one of the most crucial times in my life; being in the middle of this CD recording which I really feel is God inspired. I would say to myself, "I have too much to do to be laying around for weeks on end like this! Time is ticking!" And yet, inside, the Spirit whispers to me "Trust ME. Wait on ME and I will renew your strength." And so goes the epic battle between the flesh and the spirit; the natural eyes and the spiritual eyes. There is no better crucible of learning than being in a position of utter and total dependance on God. When you can't even bend over to put your socks on, or drive to the grocery store to get milk, that is pretty dependant!
Every morning I must wake up and tell myself, "Choose you this day, who will you serve. Who will you believe?" The crux of the situation is that, HIS WORD must be what we base our faith on. His word is true, it is infallible, it is eternal. And perhaps I am enduring this trial merely to solidify the theme on which my CD is based....that Yahweh is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in time of trouble. That HE is the name on which we call. That we look heavenward, not earthward for our strength. A good time to practice what I am preaching :-)
And so, as I close for this morning, I speak to myself these words from Isaiah chapter 40:
"The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
-Melissa
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Great Is Thy Faithfulness
Dear Friends,
Again, time has passed quickly since my last post. The recording process on my CD is well underway, and I am excited at the work that has been accomplished so far. I have been wanting to write for days now, but I've been mulling over which topic to choose, as there are so many things I could write about.
Have you ever had a moment in your life where you are overwhelmed by the faithfulness and love of God? I have had many of those types of moments these past few days. I have had lots of time to meditate on the Lord's goodness, as I am dealing with yet another hurdle to conquer: a back injury that I sustained last summer was re-aggravated two weeks ago. I have been on bedrest for several days, in a great deal of pain and unable to move. But rather than take it as a setback and a frustration, I decided to take it as a blessing in disguise. So, I've been laying here on my couch (just as I am now) these past several days, with ample time to pray, think, and meditate on all the Lord has done, all He is doing, and all He will do. At times I am overcome with emotion as I recount His faithfulness to me over the years. When I felt lost, He always knew the way. When I felt alone, He has always been by my side. When I felt too weak to carry on, He picked me up and carried me. Even in this position of weakness in which I now find myself, He has been so faithful to carry me on His shoulders and show me the view from His vantage point -- seated high above all these cares of the world. And let me tell you, the view is incredible from His throne! I am experiencing the miraculous as I am lifted up by the prayers of the saints, and feel His hand touching my back and healing it. The words of my favourite hymn come to mind:
Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with thee
All I have needed thy hand has provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to lead and to guide
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with TEN THOUSAND beside
Ten thousand does not even remotely describe the number of blessings which the Lord bestows upon us every day. Were we to count His thoughts towards us, they would outnumber the grains of sand. (Psalm 139:18)
As the light in my living room fades and I rest in this recumbent position, I think I will close my eyes and meditate on this above Psalm.
Blessings,
Melissa
Again, time has passed quickly since my last post. The recording process on my CD is well underway, and I am excited at the work that has been accomplished so far. I have been wanting to write for days now, but I've been mulling over which topic to choose, as there are so many things I could write about.
Have you ever had a moment in your life where you are overwhelmed by the faithfulness and love of God? I have had many of those types of moments these past few days. I have had lots of time to meditate on the Lord's goodness, as I am dealing with yet another hurdle to conquer: a back injury that I sustained last summer was re-aggravated two weeks ago. I have been on bedrest for several days, in a great deal of pain and unable to move. But rather than take it as a setback and a frustration, I decided to take it as a blessing in disguise. So, I've been laying here on my couch (just as I am now) these past several days, with ample time to pray, think, and meditate on all the Lord has done, all He is doing, and all He will do. At times I am overcome with emotion as I recount His faithfulness to me over the years. When I felt lost, He always knew the way. When I felt alone, He has always been by my side. When I felt too weak to carry on, He picked me up and carried me. Even in this position of weakness in which I now find myself, He has been so faithful to carry me on His shoulders and show me the view from His vantage point -- seated high above all these cares of the world. And let me tell you, the view is incredible from His throne! I am experiencing the miraculous as I am lifted up by the prayers of the saints, and feel His hand touching my back and healing it. The words of my favourite hymn come to mind:
Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with thee
All I have needed thy hand has provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to lead and to guide
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with TEN THOUSAND beside
Ten thousand does not even remotely describe the number of blessings which the Lord bestows upon us every day. Were we to count His thoughts towards us, they would outnumber the grains of sand. (Psalm 139:18)
As the light in my living room fades and I rest in this recumbent position, I think I will close my eyes and meditate on this above Psalm.
Blessings,
Melissa
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
True Colors
Dear Friends,
I hope you had a pleasant holiday weekend! We have enjoyed some unseasonably warm weather these past two weeks in Alberta. I took a walk on Saturday and it was so warm that I actually had to take off my jacket -- in the middle of October! Thank you, Lord! :-)
Autumn is one of my favorite times of year. It is a season of change; the air filled with a sweet earthy odor, almost laden with anticipation of some sort. This year, I've really enjoyed the daily five minute strolls from my car to the office, in the crispness of the morning, along streets canopied by Elm trees whose leaves are now spectacular shades of orange and gold. Feeling the crunch crunch of the fallen leaves under my feet brings back a wistful remembrance of childhood days spent running and jumping in the leaves, without a care in the world.
During one of my brief morning walks, as I stared up into the brilliant blue sky contrasted against the deep yellows, I meditated on the fact that we only see the true colors of leaves in the fall. Without getting too scientific, it's only when the hours of sunshine wane and the leaves stop producting chlorophyll, that the green
"mask" we see all spring and summer is removed. It is an interesting irony, that the leaves' true beauty is only seen in a season of "death," before the long winter.
I then started thinking about our own lives. Often times, we can be as the leaves - when the sun is shining, things are going our way, and food is abundant, we appear one way. We often wear masks. But when the sun stops shining, the air gets cold and we find ourselves in a season of "dryness," our true colors really appear. It's easy enough to praise the Lord when we're living in a season of abundance. But what about those seasons where it seems as if He is hiding his face and the sun is not shining on us anymore? Can we join with the Psalmist and say, "I will yet praise thee?"
I pose this question not only for rhetoric's sake, but as a real examination of my own heart and life. It is my hearts desire that even in difficult times (or shall I say, especially in difficult times), my true colors would demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit -- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Rather than just shrivelling up and drying out on the tree, as some leaves seem to do, I pray that my true colors would be beautiful and pleasing for others, and especially for my Lord.
May I, and all of us, understand that the challenges we face are crafted to refine us and produce in us pure gold fitting for a king -- the King of Kings! Moreover, may we realize that for every autumn, there is a spring; for every sleep, there is an awakening; and for every sunset, comes a sunrise.
Just my thoughts for this morning :-)
Melissa
I hope you had a pleasant holiday weekend! We have enjoyed some unseasonably warm weather these past two weeks in Alberta. I took a walk on Saturday and it was so warm that I actually had to take off my jacket -- in the middle of October! Thank you, Lord! :-)
Autumn is one of my favorite times of year. It is a season of change; the air filled with a sweet earthy odor, almost laden with anticipation of some sort. This year, I've really enjoyed the daily five minute strolls from my car to the office, in the crispness of the morning, along streets canopied by Elm trees whose leaves are now spectacular shades of orange and gold. Feeling the crunch crunch of the fallen leaves under my feet brings back a wistful remembrance of childhood days spent running and jumping in the leaves, without a care in the world.
During one of my brief morning walks, as I stared up into the brilliant blue sky contrasted against the deep yellows, I meditated on the fact that we only see the true colors of leaves in the fall. Without getting too scientific, it's only when the hours of sunshine wane and the leaves stop producting chlorophyll, that the green
"mask" we see all spring and summer is removed. It is an interesting irony, that the leaves' true beauty is only seen in a season of "death," before the long winter.
I then started thinking about our own lives. Often times, we can be as the leaves - when the sun is shining, things are going our way, and food is abundant, we appear one way. We often wear masks. But when the sun stops shining, the air gets cold and we find ourselves in a season of "dryness," our true colors really appear. It's easy enough to praise the Lord when we're living in a season of abundance. But what about those seasons where it seems as if He is hiding his face and the sun is not shining on us anymore? Can we join with the Psalmist and say, "I will yet praise thee?"
I pose this question not only for rhetoric's sake, but as a real examination of my own heart and life. It is my hearts desire that even in difficult times (or shall I say, especially in difficult times), my true colors would demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit -- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Rather than just shrivelling up and drying out on the tree, as some leaves seem to do, I pray that my true colors would be beautiful and pleasing for others, and especially for my Lord.
May I, and all of us, understand that the challenges we face are crafted to refine us and produce in us pure gold fitting for a king -- the King of Kings! Moreover, may we realize that for every autumn, there is a spring; for every sleep, there is an awakening; and for every sunset, comes a sunrise.
Just my thoughts for this morning :-)
Melissa
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:17
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5
Monday, October 4, 2010
They don't call them "scratch vocals" for nothing...
Good evening friends,
I'm very happy to report that as of tonight, I have begun the recording process on my new CD! This seems an even greater triumph than it should because of all the hindrances that have impeded my progress thus far. But as of this Sunday, every piece of equipment I own is in working order (praise Adonai, and thanks to some very persistent and dedicated techie-friends). Now begins the creative journey of unfolding a vision that has existed in my mind and heart for months. To see it come to fruition will be very exciting.
I spent this evening tracking some piano for two separate pieces, and doing some scratch vocals. If you've never heard the term "scratch," in reference to recording, it basically denotes a track that you record merely for reference and not for the final mix. You can record a scratch track for anything that you intend to re-record at a later time, but it is most commonly associated with vocals. The term "scratch" could not be more appropriate for my work tonight, as laryngitis has been making the rounds in my city, and I seem to have caught a touch of vocal irritation myself. A few of my friends have not been on speaking terms with me these last few weeks, and not for any offence I have committed, but because they had completely lost their voices to this virus! Therefore, as the title of my post suggests, all the reference tracks I recorded tonight sounded like I had a throat full of gravel. I will have to rest my voice for a few days and drink lots of fluids, lest I strain it and damage it permanently. Heaven forbid. In the meantime I will try to do as much as possible without the aid of vocals.
Now it's back to work! I bid you adieu!
Melissa
I'm very happy to report that as of tonight, I have begun the recording process on my new CD! This seems an even greater triumph than it should because of all the hindrances that have impeded my progress thus far. But as of this Sunday, every piece of equipment I own is in working order (praise Adonai, and thanks to some very persistent and dedicated techie-friends). Now begins the creative journey of unfolding a vision that has existed in my mind and heart for months. To see it come to fruition will be very exciting.
I spent this evening tracking some piano for two separate pieces, and doing some scratch vocals. If you've never heard the term "scratch," in reference to recording, it basically denotes a track that you record merely for reference and not for the final mix. You can record a scratch track for anything that you intend to re-record at a later time, but it is most commonly associated with vocals. The term "scratch" could not be more appropriate for my work tonight, as laryngitis has been making the rounds in my city, and I seem to have caught a touch of vocal irritation myself. A few of my friends have not been on speaking terms with me these last few weeks, and not for any offence I have committed, but because they had completely lost their voices to this virus! Therefore, as the title of my post suggests, all the reference tracks I recorded tonight sounded like I had a throat full of gravel. I will have to rest my voice for a few days and drink lots of fluids, lest I strain it and damage it permanently. Heaven forbid. In the meantime I will try to do as much as possible without the aid of vocals.
Now it's back to work! I bid you adieu!
Melissa
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
CD Update
Dear Friends,
I've been wanting to update you on my CD progress for some time now, but these last few weeks have been extremely busy. I've been very occupied playing at several events throughout the month of September, as well as writing some string arrangements for a friend who is releasing a new album this coming December. Most recently, I played at a conference in Northwest Calgary. What a beautiful time of year to be in the foothills of the Rockies! The expanses of golden leaved trees and ruddy prairie sagebrushes contrasted against the bright blue autumn sky and snow dusted mountains made for some spectacular scenery. Even driving through Calgary was almost pleasant (I never though I would hear myself saying THAT!), with the leaves falling and dancing allover 14th Street SW towards Canyon Meadows.
My keyboard was in the repair shop this last week -- yet another unforseen delay! I picked up the piano last night, and everything looks to be fine at the moment, so I intend to start laying down tracks next week, Lord willing. There are always delays, hurdles to jump over, and bugs to fix...but this WILL get done.
Inbetween the busyness and rushing around of the last few weeks, I have been using my spare moments to run through the pieces for my CD, writing down notes for instrumentation and arrangement. Every time I pull out the guitar or harp and start singing through the pieces, I get very excited to see my vision come to fruition. But, inbetween now and then, lies some very hard work!
In my spare moments between now and the release of the full length CD next spring, I intend on releasing an EP of my favorite solo piano compositions from the last 15 years. I believe I will entitle it "Beginnings," after one of my first publically performed works, released in 1997. I have not yet decided if I will produce this as an online album only, through CD Baby and iTunes, or if I will do a short-run print of a limited amount of CDs as well. I will let time and schedule dictate that. Stay tuned! :)
Until next time,
Melissa
I've been wanting to update you on my CD progress for some time now, but these last few weeks have been extremely busy. I've been very occupied playing at several events throughout the month of September, as well as writing some string arrangements for a friend who is releasing a new album this coming December. Most recently, I played at a conference in Northwest Calgary. What a beautiful time of year to be in the foothills of the Rockies! The expanses of golden leaved trees and ruddy prairie sagebrushes contrasted against the bright blue autumn sky and snow dusted mountains made for some spectacular scenery. Even driving through Calgary was almost pleasant (I never though I would hear myself saying THAT!), with the leaves falling and dancing allover 14th Street SW towards Canyon Meadows.
My keyboard was in the repair shop this last week -- yet another unforseen delay! I picked up the piano last night, and everything looks to be fine at the moment, so I intend to start laying down tracks next week, Lord willing. There are always delays, hurdles to jump over, and bugs to fix...but this WILL get done.
Inbetween the busyness and rushing around of the last few weeks, I have been using my spare moments to run through the pieces for my CD, writing down notes for instrumentation and arrangement. Every time I pull out the guitar or harp and start singing through the pieces, I get very excited to see my vision come to fruition. But, inbetween now and then, lies some very hard work!
In my spare moments between now and the release of the full length CD next spring, I intend on releasing an EP of my favorite solo piano compositions from the last 15 years. I believe I will entitle it "Beginnings," after one of my first publically performed works, released in 1997. I have not yet decided if I will produce this as an online album only, through CD Baby and iTunes, or if I will do a short-run print of a limited amount of CDs as well. I will let time and schedule dictate that. Stay tuned! :)
Until next time,
Melissa
concept artwork for solo piano EP
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
And He Called Them Good
And God said, Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. And God created the great sea-monsters, and every living creature that moveth, wherewith the waters swarmed, after their kind, and every winged bird after its kind: and God saw that it was good.
Genesis 1:20-21
Dear Friends,
I've just been reminded of both the beauty of life and the mystery of death.
I returned from work this afternoon to see something struggling in the grass outside my home. As I drew closer, I found that it was a beautiful male Northern Flicker. He looked to be very injured, as he was flapping his wings in a vain attempt to move, while his legs and feet were curled tightly underneath him as though in spasms. I dashed inside the house to grab my garden gloves, and quickly returned, picking him up in my hands as to prevent him becoming a plaything for the mischievous neighborhood cats. I sat on my front steps, and stroked the head of the little creature, speaking to him, trying to coax him to fight for his life so that I could continue to enjoy his beauty.
This is a drama that has played out many times in my life, being that I have been a bird lover since my childhood. Some of my fondest remembrances are of moments spent sitting in the middle of the canoe, my dad paddling, my brother and mom in front, practicing my Common Loon call; spying various Warbler species in migration during the fall; and calling the White-Throated Sparrow with my dad during the summer. My role as a Florence Nightingale (no aviary pun intended) to these winged minstrels is but a natural extension of my innate admiration.
As I sat this evening, speaking softly to the bird, I admired the thoughtfulness with which he was created. Soft, downy, spotted feathers on his belly...almost like the tips of a a Peacock's tail. The underside of his wings are a fluorescent orange, including the quills; something you don't really get to admire during the fleeting moments you observe birds in flight. His beak is perfectly created to dig for ants in the copius amounts of anthills that litter the property. Such thought; such beauty; such perfection in every detail of this bird's body. And Adonai his creator called him "good." And He cares for him, just as He does the less spectacular Sparrows. He provides food for him in due season. He gives him the instincts needed to reproduce and build his nest. I was yet again reminded of the beauty of God's creation, and the testimony of His handiwork that pours forth from it every minute of every day.
Simultaneous to my admiration, I watched painfully as this beautiful creature writhed, struggled and gasped, obviously unable to recover from whatever injury or illness had befallen him. And so I prayed that his Creator would either heal him swiftly, or show him mercy and not let him suffer long. Not moments after, I watched as the bird took his last breath. Adonai knew the exact number of his days, just as he knows mine, and yours. I am sure his feathers were numbered, just as the hairs of my head are. He belonged to Adonai Roi, the God who sees.
- Melissa
O LORD, how manifold are Your works!
In wisdom You have made them all.
The earth is full of Your possessions—
This great and wide sea,
In which are innumerable teeming things,
Living things both small and great.
These all wait for You,
That You may give them their food in due season.
What You give them they gather in;
You open Your hand, they are filled with good.
You hide Your face, they are troubled;
You take away their breath, they die and return to their dust.
You send forth Your Spirit, they are created;
And You renew the face of the earth.
May the glory of the LORD endure forever;
May the LORD rejoice in His works.
He looks on the earth, and it trembles;
He touches the hills, and they smoke.
I will sing to the LORD as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.
May my meditation be sweet to Him;
I will be glad in the LORD.
Psalm 104:24-34
A patient that survived, December 2008
Monday, September 6, 2010
Blessed Are Those...
Dear Friends,
Before I share what is on my heart this morning, first the news:
I haven't written in a little while. It always takes me a few days after a long vacation, to get back into the daily routine of life. I also had some technical issues to sort out when I got back (broken computer) that expended a lot of my energy. Now that all these things are taken care of, I am back to CD preparations! I am finalizing a list of tracks to go on the CD, and will begin recording my first tracks hopefully next week. I will let the Lord make the final decision as to what goes and what stays, as there may be some new material that arises out of recording sessions that will be what HE really wants on the disc! Most of the groundwork, which is done on my keyboard, will be laid down in my home studio. Once the foundations are there, I will be going to another studio to record vocals, guitars, and other acoustic instruments.
Now, to the heart:
My thoughts this morning as I sit with my coffee, looking out the window, are on the phrase "blessed are those who mourn." (Matthew 5:4) This scripture is really resonating with me, as during the last couple of days in particular, my spirit seems to be in a state of mourning. This might sound strange to you, and you might wonder "what is wrong," or "what's happened?" That is the mysterious part. I am not in a state of mourning for one specific event, or for something bad that has happened in my own life. What I really believe is happening is that I am in some way experiencing the grief of the Holy Spirit, who dwells within me, and within every born again believer.
Very late last night, after I had already committed to go to bed, I decided to return to my computer and look up a song on YouTube that I had heard last year in Jerusalem for the first time. The song is called "Revelation Song", as sung by Kari Jobe. I listened to the song twice, and the beauty of the melody and the power of the words of the book of Revelation filled my spirit:
(Excerpts):
Worthy is the
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything, and I will adore You…!
Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
Glory and power be
To You the Only Wise King,
Filled with wonder, Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery
I began to weep. And weep. And weep. I'm sure many of you have had the experience of the tangible presence of God suddenly filling your senses; something even deeper than that was happening. It was as if, in one moment, I had an awareness of the utter holiness of God -- the incomprehensible majesty, power and beauty that IS Him, and that surrounds Him. I trembled, but more than that, my spirit began to weep and interecede for the fact that this God, Yahweh, the one around whose throne is a dazzling rainbow; for whom the living creatures never stop crying "Holy, Holy" -- His name is being continually blasphemed, day in and day out, by the ones he so lovingly created. The juxtaposition of His holiness and humanity's utter depravity was branded onto my heart. As the book of Romans says, the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. I believe this was what was happening last night and into this morning -- Abba was letting me experience just an incredibly small portion of HIS grief, allowing His Spirit to intercede through me through the gasps of sobs and tears that would not abate for quite some time. I wouldn't have been able to get words out anyway, although my mind did pray.
A brief reprieve in the tears came, and I opened up my Bible to the books of Revelation, Ezekiel and Daniel, and read the visions of Yeshua. The tears started all over again. All I could think was, how infinitely powerful, infinitely beautiful, infinitely glorious the Son is -- and how his name is not only trampled by his enemies, but also by those supposed to be his children. So much of what passes as Christianity in our day and age is actually apostasy. We are living in the days where churches are removing crosses from their steeples and deleting the words "Christ, Messiah, and Jesus" out of their Bibles and liturgies. What a slap in the face to the glorious Messiah who laid aside his majesty to be beaten, whipped and crucified for our sins. Not only are we in an age where His name is being denied; but things too vile to write about are being incorporated into our "worship" services and programs, in complete defiance of the Torah; things that are a facsimile of the depravity of our fallen world, rather than a shadow of the glorious throneroom in which Yeshua is seated. And so I wept. I not only grieved for the state of God's church, but I wept for my own life and repented of any ways I might have misrepresented, blasphemed or made light of my God.
These types of experiences are deeply personal, and I would not normally share them publicly. The reason I do so in this instance is because I have been asking myself the question, "do we know what it means to mourn, as the body of Messiah"? I am not talking about being artificially morose, or continually downcast. In all of life, the joy of the Lord is to be our strength. What I mean, is, do we live with the sense of what God's heart is truly feeling? We often pray canned prayers like, "God, give me your heart," but do we really mean it? I think if we would really know the fullness of God's heart, we would not survive the grief. It seems though, that according to Messiah's words, those that are his disciples WILL live with at least some kind of a sense of mourning in their hearts:
May our grief soon turn to shouts of joy.
Melissa
Before I share what is on my heart this morning, first the news:
I haven't written in a little while. It always takes me a few days after a long vacation, to get back into the daily routine of life. I also had some technical issues to sort out when I got back (broken computer) that expended a lot of my energy. Now that all these things are taken care of, I am back to CD preparations! I am finalizing a list of tracks to go on the CD, and will begin recording my first tracks hopefully next week. I will let the Lord make the final decision as to what goes and what stays, as there may be some new material that arises out of recording sessions that will be what HE really wants on the disc! Most of the groundwork, which is done on my keyboard, will be laid down in my home studio. Once the foundations are there, I will be going to another studio to record vocals, guitars, and other acoustic instruments.
Now, to the heart:
My thoughts this morning as I sit with my coffee, looking out the window, are on the phrase "blessed are those who mourn." (Matthew 5:4) This scripture is really resonating with me, as during the last couple of days in particular, my spirit seems to be in a state of mourning. This might sound strange to you, and you might wonder "what is wrong," or "what's happened?" That is the mysterious part. I am not in a state of mourning for one specific event, or for something bad that has happened in my own life. What I really believe is happening is that I am in some way experiencing the grief of the Holy Spirit, who dwells within me, and within every born again believer.
Very late last night, after I had already committed to go to bed, I decided to return to my computer and look up a song on YouTube that I had heard last year in Jerusalem for the first time. The song is called "Revelation Song", as sung by Kari Jobe. I listened to the song twice, and the beauty of the melody and the power of the words of the book of Revelation filled my spirit:
(Excerpts):
Worthy is the
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything, and I will adore You…!
Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
Glory and power be
To You the Only Wise King,
Filled with wonder, Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery
I began to weep. And weep. And weep. I'm sure many of you have had the experience of the tangible presence of God suddenly filling your senses; something even deeper than that was happening. It was as if, in one moment, I had an awareness of the utter holiness of God -- the incomprehensible majesty, power and beauty that IS Him, and that surrounds Him. I trembled, but more than that, my spirit began to weep and interecede for the fact that this God, Yahweh, the one around whose throne is a dazzling rainbow; for whom the living creatures never stop crying "Holy, Holy" -- His name is being continually blasphemed, day in and day out, by the ones he so lovingly created. The juxtaposition of His holiness and humanity's utter depravity was branded onto my heart. As the book of Romans says, the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. I believe this was what was happening last night and into this morning -- Abba was letting me experience just an incredibly small portion of HIS grief, allowing His Spirit to intercede through me through the gasps of sobs and tears that would not abate for quite some time. I wouldn't have been able to get words out anyway, although my mind did pray.
A brief reprieve in the tears came, and I opened up my Bible to the books of Revelation, Ezekiel and Daniel, and read the visions of Yeshua. The tears started all over again. All I could think was, how infinitely powerful, infinitely beautiful, infinitely glorious the Son is -- and how his name is not only trampled by his enemies, but also by those supposed to be his children. So much of what passes as Christianity in our day and age is actually apostasy. We are living in the days where churches are removing crosses from their steeples and deleting the words "Christ, Messiah, and Jesus" out of their Bibles and liturgies. What a slap in the face to the glorious Messiah who laid aside his majesty to be beaten, whipped and crucified for our sins. Not only are we in an age where His name is being denied; but things too vile to write about are being incorporated into our "worship" services and programs, in complete defiance of the Torah; things that are a facsimile of the depravity of our fallen world, rather than a shadow of the glorious throneroom in which Yeshua is seated. And so I wept. I not only grieved for the state of God's church, but I wept for my own life and repented of any ways I might have misrepresented, blasphemed or made light of my God.
These types of experiences are deeply personal, and I would not normally share them publicly. The reason I do so in this instance is because I have been asking myself the question, "do we know what it means to mourn, as the body of Messiah"? I am not talking about being artificially morose, or continually downcast. In all of life, the joy of the Lord is to be our strength. What I mean, is, do we live with the sense of what God's heart is truly feeling? We often pray canned prayers like, "God, give me your heart," but do we really mean it? I think if we would really know the fullness of God's heart, we would not survive the grief. It seems though, that according to Messiah's words, those that are his disciples WILL live with at least some kind of a sense of mourning in their hearts:
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4
"In a little while, you will see me no more....I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 17:17-22I can only imagine how the disciples mourned when the bridegroom was taken away. They walked with him face to face. And yet we have been given the Spirit of adoption that cries out "Abba", even though we have not seen him as they had. The Holy Spirit is the same yesterday, today and forever. And therefore, I cry and groan with Yeshua's modern-day talmidim (disciples), and with the Spirit, who says "Come, Lord Yeshua! Come make an end to sin, strife, and depravity. Come and put your enemies under your feet. Come sanctify your Name that has been profaned among the nations. Come rule and reign in righteousness, justice, purity and peace."
May our grief soon turn to shouts of joy.
Melissa
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